Say Somehow: Rain Without Clouds

Say Somehow

Say somehow

Wait for me now

Blame somehow

Rain without clouds

Torn with a glance you’re going to pay somehow

Fall in a trance another day somehow

Well endowed

Fate coming now

Brave but how

Can fate allow?

Your life can see you coming

But you suspected nothing

Breathe deep and keep them coming

Burn the sacred one

Your turn has come, your turn has come

Learn the words beyond

Internal sun, infernal sun

When I was a tween, about thirteen or so, I had this encounter with a kid staying with Mum and I at my grandparents’ house. While watching television, I was rough-housing with this boy and I frightened him! Not deliberately – I was mortified! I was saddened and remorseful instantaneously. But since that moment, and to this very day, the incident has made me very cautious around kids; they are, or can be, extremely sensitive and easily frightened! Aggravating anyone’s sensitivities, man, woman, child or otherwise, is something people should not do.  I have always had a very strong belief in that principle my entire life.  That I fell short of my own ethical code in that regard, albeit totally unintentionally and unwittingly, was difficult for me to deal with.  I have always, and continue to (but less so these days) held myself to stringent account and set myself very high standards – perhaps unrealistic and unattainable standards – and have reprimanded myself for all perceived errors and short comings over the decades. Oh the burden of having a conscience! All subsequent counsel and therapy I have undertaken – in relation this incident and many others – have always been described as common and normal by my therapists. However, at times I do still struggle.

At the time I wrote this song, I was under a lot of pressure where I was working.  As mentioned, I’d been very busy with band work in the preceding months and years; had had a number of meltdowns and burn out incidents and had been away from the office intermittently but also quite frequently.  Plus, as always, I was living with the pervading sense of ubiquity (Your life can see you coming) I described earlier.  But there were senior staff at the University who were dissatisfied with my apparent lack of commitment and absences, and who made my working life quite stressful at times.  My need for medication makes things difficult for me to ascertain what is actually “real” a lot of the time compared to what is imagined or even delusional.  I do know for certain though that I was under a lot of pressure in that place at that time.  That stress informed many aspects of my lyrical content during my tenure there.

In musical terms, Say Somehow is a beautiful recording! I am very proud of this song, and proud and thankful for the efforts of everyone involved! When we were recording the vocals at Incremental Studios, Cam Smith commented a couple of times, “There are some really nice bits in this song! It’s a really picturesque tune.” We made a video for it which featured Lauren performing the song as a karaoke song with friends in the audience.  My friend and former bandmate, Justine Jones, and her partner Xavier were in town that weekend and featured in the video too. As it was playing while we were filming, Justine commented, “Nice song, Tom – really well written.” That still means a lot to me.  Justine knows better than anyone else I know just how rare recognition and acknowledgement for creative work often is, so thank you very much Justine!

On the back of the Say Somehow recording alone, I knew that the Soul Wide Open recording project was both worthwhile and rewarding!  What had felt like a bit of gamble initially (which “took balls” as commented previously), it was clear, to me at least, that the songs were worthy of the talented personnel, and the musical performances were absolutely to a professional standard – as I had always known they would be. All songs from the self-titled debut EP enjoyed medium rotation for quite some time on 4ZZZ Community radio in Brisbane.  It was a DJ called Cam Pekin on his Echo Boom show who gave us the initial break, and who provided a great deal of support through regular airplay.  I approached Cam for an interview in early 2016 after the EP was released.  He said, “Great, yeah! But only if you can make it to the studio for a live interview.  The show goes to air from 4:00 to 6:00 am on Tuesday mornings?”  I lived pretty close to The Valley where the 4ZZZ studios are located, so gratefully accepted his offer.  I was Cam’s first ever guest interview on the show, and shortly after it moved to a more amiable timeslot of 10:00 am to midday on Tuesday mornings. It was by no means my last interaction with Cam Pekin of Echo Boom.