Validation: Forgotten lifeblood

Validation

Forgotten lifeblood has fallen from the sky,

It was so like me to make you want to cry;

Was it my postcard, or everything inside?

Never ask why

Only do what’s right

Your persona has fallen off the screen,

Of course I was going to make you feel redeemed;

Take your chances, and take it out on me

Better find a way

But there’s no other way

Always something great being tested again

Chances left to fate with the stroke of a pen

Ask no questions - you’ll still be there in the end

Never ruminate and never pretend

A score of papercuts just picking at the seams,

A severed discord will gut your hopes and dreams;

Walk fractured eggshells, no good will to redeem

Bite my tongue or say?

Stand or walk away?

Better find a way

But there’s no other way.

Oh gawd – a melodic dose of bitter vexation, old chap?  Revisiting this now, it seems clear that cause for frustration did certainly remain in my life at this time; even while my situation was largely positive at the time of writing and recording.  “Forgotten lifeblood has fallen from the sky, It was so like me to make you want to cry.” The first verse of Validation I wrote in memoria of a significant old flame.  An old high school friend and my first real dalliance into romance, Sandra dominated my ideas of romance and my ideals towards coupledom for the first significant portion of my adult life.  In saying a dalliance into romance, it was definitely that; and it was requited (and consummated) to some extent over a period some years after high school.  However, although Sandra moved on fairly quickly, we remained mutual friends among a large group of high school friends, until things soured one time when I was back in Brisbane visiting from Melbourne.  Long story boring, symptoms of my now well documented medical condition were emerging when Sandra was taken aback and scared by my demeanour and the interactions we’d had over coffee one evening. And I don’t blame her for that! Still 20 years later and the average person still has little insight as to what I actually face. And, it wasn’t for Sandra to know that what I was experiencing then were the early throws of psychosis, and that I was at that time as yet untreated and undiagnosed.  Anyway, when I eventually moved back to Brisbane for good in 2004, I’d subsequently been treated and medicated, was feeling a hell of a lot better to the extent that I had taken on University study and was determined to rebuild my life.  

However, some of Sandra’s friends in Brisbane were not particularly friendly to me upon my return.  And frankly, I didn’t stand for their bullshit either.  “You wouldn’t treat someone with cancer that way!” shakes fist And thus began a social schism which has only ever widened with each passing decade since.

The second verse relates to a number of people I was working closely with in the Engineering Faculty at the Uni at the time.  These were people who, in any other context in the world, you’d be great friends with them! You’d have them around for dinner, go to shows with them; genuinely decent people who I genuinely connected with personally and professionally.  However, it was as if the stress and pressures of a demanding University professional environment imbued even decent people with a degree of nastiness at times which again, in any other context, would have seemed out of place from their natural dispositions.  But such is a workplace, right? There’s difficult, stressful work to get done, and that must remain the upmost priority over the concerns of any individual contributor, and over any need to remain civil to fellow colleagues either.  

“Your persona has fallen off the screen.” As mentioned, by around this time I’d actively removed all social media contact from all people at work.  My disposition toward paranoic delusions simply made that a necessity for me. And I understand that people might be hurt by someone’s dissociation on social media, and that dissociation in itself raises questions as to “what is this person hiding?” And that’s all easy to understand, and I knew that at the time.  But social media has always looked and felt to me like a false economy in the realest way – it puts you into contact with people who, in the jungle (ie the real world), you wouldn’t have had any contact with whatsoever. But because it’s social media, all of a sudden you’re seeing family photos, holiday pics, debauchery and highly crafted, curated versions of people’s lives.  I often think, “Why am I even seeing this?” It’s always been a false economy to me.

Twas Duncan actually who penned the fantastic lyrics for the third verse here.  “What’s this song about, Tom?” he asked. Floundering for a simple answer to what felt like a complicated question, “Work”, I replied.  And without any further prompting, Dunc proceeded to pen the fantastic, memorable lyrics for verse three.  It felt uncanny – Dunc’s interpretation of the song’s intent was so perfect, so insightful and so well expressed, I perceived it to be verification that yes, people ARE privy to my workplace interactions! People DO have access to my correspondences! There IS INDEED some interface between my spoken and written correspondences of all forms and a public audience!  But I never said that to him, or to anyone else.  It was too disturbing a thought.  I simply lived on with those perceptions, and not just with Dunc, but with all interactions across all aspects of my life.  And I still do.  

Contrasting the rather jaded lyrical content for Validation is its bright, cheery and singable chords and melodies! And the guide track we used for recording the song was a simple voice memo capture of Nathan and I workshopping the arrangement at my house in New Farm at the time.  It was very lo fi, and very sloppy rhythmically too.  So much so that when it came time to record Toby’s drum parts in the studio, Cam pointed out, “This guide track is too all-over-the-show for us to use.  It’s far too out of time for it not to sound like crap.  What are we going to do?”  We were in the studio recording as that discussion was unfolding, so there was zero time for me to re-record a guide track that day. “I’m at a loss, Cam – what do you suggest?”

As it turned out, Cam devised this technique whereby you map a loose audio track (such as this one) to a click track grid to snap it into time against that click.  Kind of like a manual quantize function (for anyone familiar with programming MIDI), achieved by manually adjusting the timing of the entire audio file until it matches up to the click track grid.  “Thanks, Cam – you’re a lifesaver! Once again you’ve saved the day!” He said it would take some time, so Toby and I took an early lunch (I always shouted) while Cam fixed up the guide track.  

Years later, Cam mentioned that technique he used that day one time during a later recording session.  “I’ve since utilised that same technique many times now in my own bands and recording projects; to much higher complexity and more effective outcomes (of course, Cam!), but it’s funny the things you pick up while recording!”  It certainly wasn’t the only time Cam saved our bacon, that’s for sure. And Validation as a recording is as cheery yet professional a song as you could hope to write and capture.  Thanks, Dunc, Cam, Nate and Tobes!